Updated: Oct 11, 2022
This blog is coming two years after it was first written - currently we are in our 35th anniversary this year October 9th 2022
How Yo Stay Committed To Your Commitment-Your Vows In Marriage.
Marriage is a process and anything that requires a process, inevitably involves a follow through in stages and requires patience and deliberate commitment.
Marriage is not for the faint hearted but for those who are ready and willing to stay the course, not give up and are able to sacrifice themselves for their partner in other words - put the other person before self.
Submitting to one another requires your conviction and commitment-killing your ego.
Anything worthwhile is an up hill task and marriage to my mind is NOT an exception but one that will test your character and resolve to serve.
However, it has it's reward for the efforts and energy invested in the process through it's life time
Is there anything like a Good Marriage?
Every marriage is unique and special between two people of the opposite sex (within the framework of my own beliefs) who sincerely love each other and are friends to each other.
Motive for wanting to be in a marital relationship matters and must be addressed from day one during courtship.
Who determines if it’s a good marriage or not?
For me that answer belongs to the main actors in this union and their God (who ordained and blessed it from day One)
A marital union between a Man and a Woman.
First and foremost I will like to say a huge thank you to you all for celebrating with my wife and I at our anniversary and for all the very kind words of prayers and good wishes.
May the Lord bless you all.
On the back drop of my Wedding Anniversary thanksgiving and celebrations yesterday, I decided to take sometime of my own (apart from the earlier review with my wife about how far we have come and what we need to improve on) to reflect over the input into my 33 years of marriage and through the process of meditation and much reflection on the good, the bad and ugly.
What came in a surprise post -was a question from my unmarried 29 year of son-
“In light of the significance of the day, I think it would be rather fitting, if both @Oladimeji Afolabi & @ROSE Afolabi could kindly share with us what the no.1 lesson is, that you have both learnt in being married for 33years, that you think would best equip us for our own journey ahead.
One each please.
P.S. Happy Anniversary to you both 🥳❤️🙌🏾 unquote.
Then followed was her twin Sister's comment.
“Wise nuggets. “Two people who are committed to strive towards perfection TOGETHER. In other words, stay committed to your commitment”
The children of today - what a restricting question?
As you can imagine my son requested for "One thing" but typical of me that’s an impossible and difficult request for me.
I quickly tried my level best to respond to this restrictive challenge but find it extremely difficult because once I start writing, my brain (goes into auto pilot) opens up with so much stuff stored in “my computer” in my head, in my meditative posture that I just have to put that full stop some where and round up.
These were my thoughts in response which I thought to share with you.
What I have learnt from my marital experience-
In Marriage what I have came to understand over time is that a successful Marriage is NOT ready made.
After the marital vows and marriage ceremonies, what you have left to take home are two imperfect souls who are raw materials in their own hands with which you make a happy and fruitful and successful marriage.
An empty page on which to write their unique story of a marital life together.
Please don’t go into it with some unrealistic expectations- you have to intentionally work it out from day one with raw materials you have looking at you on that day when you both get home.
Listen, that is simply the truth.
Marriage is hard work of daily sacrifice, loads and loads of patience, mutual respect for one another, commitment, humility, forgiveness, devotion, diligence, flexibility, accommodating, empathy, loving care and passionate loving intimacy.
Don’t go into marriage expecting to be served but to serve.
Engage in sincere, open and honest Communication with Love which is “Key”.
You must be willing and ready to keep forgiving (without keeping records of wrongs) and take (invest) the best of yourself to your marriage.
Give and preserve your best quality time for your spouse,
Improve and work on yourself and don’t expect your partner do it or nag you for it.
Ability to listen lovingly without interruption or judgement is vital to a successful marriage.
Lovingly share happy and not so happy occasions together and be sensitive to each other’s space and sensibilities.
You are responsible for what you bring to the table and you better bring your best always.
Most importantly make yourself happy and filled with joy of the Lord and don't expect your spouse to make you happy. That's your responsibility.
It is a journey (a marathon) and NOT a race.
Be patient and graceful.
Be willing and ready to Help each other out.
Look for how you can support your spouse with domestic chores without being asked.
What you put into it is what you get back and always put the interest of your Patner first even before yourself.
That is the main key to a great marriage.
True love covers multitude of sins.
Love each other passionately and keep working on it by being creative and innovative to keep your marriage afresh always ,
Accept each other as you are. Don’t pull each other down but lift each other up.
Pray to God to help you be the best husband or wife.
He wants you to be and work on your ego and emotions.
Be quick to say sorry for any error/s.
Husbands, you want your wife to be submissive to you?
Its NOT automatic but a conscious choice on the part of your wife.
Your wife will submit to you, without you demanding for submission when she knows and is convinced she is unconditionally loved by you, feels protected, respected and the she occupies her rightful place in your heart as your No 1 apart from God.
Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church and died for her.
Listen to what the word of God says-The Bible
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Ephesians 5:25
"No husband should expect his wife to submit to him when he himself has NOT submitted himself fully to the authority of Christ - living a Christ like lifestyle." Dimeji Afolabi -The Encourager
Couples who pray together stay together.
Engage the third party in your union that Is God.
Don’t worry choose to be Happy
You are blessed to be a Blessings.
I am your friend and Encourager.